Today I fell. I was playing with my puppies and when I went to run in the other direction I completely lost my balance and footing and fell right on my left arm and hand. And it hurt. Not like damn, I hope no one saw me when I tripped hurt. No, this was like sh*t I hope nothing is broken hurt. After I realized I would be fine, just a little sore and bruised, I thought about how I hadn’t really done anything in a while that would put me in a position where I could fall. I also thought about how when I was a child, all I would do was put myself in situations where I could fall – because fun and experience were worth it to me. So what changed? Was it just me getting older? I was so cautious about putting myself out there, that I wasn’t even giving myself the chance to fail.
When I began to really think about who I really am, the first thing that came to mind was who I wanted to be. The great pretender. No matter how amazing, organized, and happy we are with our lives there is always something that pops up and makes us think “damn, I wish that was me.” And that flashing sign, so bright it could blind you, came right up for me, blaring so loudly that for a moment I forgot that I was journaling about who I already am and not who I’d like to be or wish I was. And that’s the thing, even in the midst of trying to be raw and vulnerable with yourself, your ego may have other thoughts and ideas. And I don’t know about your ego, but my ego is not shy about letting me know.
Well I wasn’t having that today. I went a little deeper and begin to be honest about where I was, what I was doing, what I was happy with, and things that needed transformation or improvement. And to my surprise, I was shocked by all of the things I was already doing that for some reason, I’d never acknowledged.
I was just telling a friend yesterday that sometimes, we need our own medicine.
I’d completely forgotten about how hard I’d been working and the things that were already successfully working in my life. I’d completely forgotten about the things in my life that I was already really happy with, and that I wasn’t interested in changing. I’d completely forgotten that me. The real me.
And that led me to this. Is the real me afraid to stand up?
We always talk about owning our faults and the parts of us that we don’t like. We spend a ton of time reminding ourselves that we aren’t perfect. We remind ourselves that no one really has it all. So much so that I think we’ve forgotten at time to own the parts of us that are magnificent. The parts of our lives where we really feel like we have it all. The parts of us that we are so thankful for. Instead of honoring those parts, we hear “don’t be conceited” “don’t let your ego get the best of you” and “humble yourself.”
But this isn’t about not being humble. This is about not being afraid to let the real you shine.
Being so afraid of what people may say, that you forget to pat yourself on the back or recognize the areas of you that you love. And if you don’t know they exist, how can you offer them to the world? How can you really show up as who you are?
When I look back at so many areas of my life, there were times that I was allowing things to take purely out of not being able to own the parts of me that I loved. Because if I didn’t own the parts I love, then I couldn’t honor them. Congratulate them. Give them rest. And if I couldn’t do those things, then I couldn’t make the best decisions for me, the real me.
Not the person my ego thinks I should be. The beautiful woman that I already am. And the beautiful woman that you already are.
Sometimes, it can be scary to see who we really are. Some of us may never know or experience what it’s like to fully own all of us. The great and the not so great.
But you can sign up to be full invested in letting the real you be free. Your real thoughts, feelings, and ideas. Your real needs. Your real expectations.
Begin to journey on who you are, and you’ll be so surprised about what beauty is already in you.