When I initially committed to my work so many years ago, it was because I wanted to feel happy more often. I didn’t have the words that I do now to pinpoint the emotions I felt other than knowing I wanted happiness and do the things that I wanted to do. Since committing to my work, it has not been easy. But I make my joy a priority, and that has a significant impact on my life. A few years ago, I decided to treat my birthdays as an opportunity to review the past year and feel into the things I want to continue, the pieces needing healing and the things I want to release. This practice has been a part of the work that helps me check in with myself and be aware of how I’m feeling. My birthday was yesterday, so I wanted to share with you what I’ve been healing through and invite you to ask these same questions for you.
One of the things I’ve been navigating is the sadness involved in this work. The letting go, the release, the realization that there are parts of us that need to go so we can make space for the things we’re bringing in and the things we’re manifesting. For me, a huge part of my work was learning how to honor the sadness and grief, give myself permission to move through it, and then learn to let it go so I could come back out and live my life with joy. And for the longest time, I thought by taking my eye off the sadness it would sneak and find me when I was my most happy, so I thought it better to stay with it rather than risk being joyful and then having to come out of it.
What I’ve learned is that flow has such importance in our lives. We don’t have to be all or nothing, left or right, yes or no – about everything. We also don’t have to live in the gray and avoid decision making altogether. But what we can do is begin to allow ourselves to flow through life while having boundaries while making plans, and while also being content and joyful about what is right in front of us. Living in the ‘both and’ is so important to my journey and a reminder of my humanness because I want so badly to be able to define and control everything. No one wants to go through the tough stuff. But it’s the harder parts of our day to day lives that gives us clarity on where we need to place our energy and the parts that we’ve been giving our energy too that needs redirection.
There is immense reassurance and understanding that our expansion and growth comes from being able to move and flow through the heaviness. And in these happy moments, like birthdays, may bring so much joy but also remind us of the parts needing love or needing release. So for me, I commit to further releasing the parts of me that are afraid to be submerged in joy. And I commit to bringing in the parts of me ready to be in full flow – as defined by me.
